Imperfect Children

“Your baby may be at risk for having Down’s Syndrome,” my doctor said.  “I’m not sure though, so I will check with a geneticist and get back with you.”  When you are a certified worrier like myself, those words are ominous and heavy.   They nearly pushed me to “Basket Case” status.

I couldn’t quit thinking about Lonnie.

Lonnie is my dad’s brother born with Down’s Syndrome in 1953.  The doctor’s said he wouldn’t live to be 20.  (Too bad they weren’t around to celebrate his 60^th birthday this year.) Lonnie can clothe and feed himself and do simple chores.   He’s not very verbal, but he’s aware of what’s going on and was a real joy to my grandmother until the day she died.  Because of him I have a soft spot for children with DS.  I just couldn’t fathom being the mother of one. 

Waiting for the geneticists’ opinion seemed like an eternity.  Several of my co-workers wanted to know what I would do if my chances were higher.  (What would I do?!?!?! What do you mean?)   I guess they figured I would have an amniocentesis to determine the chromosomal state of my unborn baby.  But I knew that no matter what:  this child was mine – imperfections and all. (Killing our first child just wasn’t an option for his dad and me.) After two-weeks of what-iffing, the verdict came back that I was not at any greater risk than the next woman my age.  I breathed a sigh of relief.

That was 25 years ago, and I now have three grown children with the “correct” number of chromosomes.  Even so, I think about that “what if” a lot, especially yesterday when a friend found out her newborn baby was born with that extra-chromosome, and she will forever be the mother of a child with Down’s Syndrome.    My “What if” is now her reality.

Experience has changed my perspective in those 25 years, and I have some things I would like to say to that young mother:

Your baby is just like any other with his own undiscovered gifts and potentials.  No baby comes with guarantees.  Enjoy the unfolding process.

I’m sure you are experiencing some grief as preconceived dreams for this child die.  The reality is that very few children fulfill their parents’ dreams for them.  They all have their own plans and tend to go their own way. All children would be better off if we parents quit trying to create little “me’s” out of them. Truthfully, your child may spend his life living in the moment.  Well, what’s wrong with that? None of us are promised tomorrow.  Let him teach you. Carpe diem!

Might this baby face special health problems?  Absolutely!  But so may any number of non-Down’s babies.  Life is uncertain for everyone.  He will learn and develop and grow at his own pace…but so does every other child.

Be warned.  Society may disregard him; his monetary contributions may not meet cultural standards.  But who can measure the value of unconditional love and acceptance?  How can you calculate the worth of inspiration?  Many with full bank accounts and bulging pockets have left the world a much poorer place.

Maybe he won’t grow up to be a rocket scientist or brain surgeon.  But maybe (and most likely) he will shine light in dark places, soften harden hearts, bring smiles to joyless faces, and encourage those without hope to keep on trying.

I don’t pretend to know how it feels to raise a special needs child.  But I do know quite a bit about raising imperfect children.  And it is quite likely that your little one with the extra chromosome and those like him are more perfect than the rest of us.  You see, he will always have the faith of a child – the most valuable thing of all.

(Update--- I shared this with the mother this morning.  This was her response:
These are some exact thoughts I've had in the last week. We have really known since he was born he for sure had it but they still have to do the test to make sure it is downs and that is all that is wrong. So luckily yesterday we knew what was coming. It really does change things from day one of knowing your blessing will have complications in life. You worry more about how society is going to treat them and what kind of life they will have and if you will be able to provide for their special needs. And you worry how it will effect the life of your other child(ren). You definitely have different worries than with a non-downs child.)

Simple Question (Ha!): What curriculum did you use?

Though I would never consider myself a homeschooling expert, eighteen years of experience has taught me a thing or two. I am passionate about HS and love encouraging people who feel led to walk (sometimes crawl) this road less traveled. 

One of the first questions I am asked is, “What curriculum did you use?”  It is a simple question with a not so simple answer. I have used MANY different things in my efforts to teach my three children in ways that fit their learning styles.  (Sometimes I was more successful than others. :-))  So here you go:

I began my HS journey with Abeka simply because their unsolicited catalog mysteriously appeared in my mailbox the exact day I wanted to pull my First-grader out of school. I used it for several years mainly because I doubted myself and HS resources were minimal.  Abeka is designed for those who like the structure of public school curriculum but want a Christian perspective.  You can get teachers’ guides and handbooks - all the bells and whistles a traditional schoolteacher would have.  (For a price.)  A child who completes twelve years of Abeka is more than ready for a college experience. I will say that I REALLY like the beginning Abeka reading program and their emphasis on phonics.  (I kept the flash cards for my grandchildren or for tutoring because I liked them so well.) I also enjoyed their history for the early grades.  However, I began feeling overwhelmed by the amount of material to cover and the expense of the curriculum so I explored other possibilities.

Math:  Eventually I changed to Saxon Math and used it for my two oldest throughout their homeschooling experiences.  (Kyle through 8^th grade and Cassie through 12^th.) Saxon Math moves very quickly from one concept to another, but some students, like my youngest, need more reinforcement and practice than it offers. When Candace was in junior high I used the “Keys to…” collection of booklets. (Keys to Algebra, Keys to Geometry, Keys to Fractions, and Keys to decimals.) This is excellent material for a child struggling in these areas. When Candace was ready to move on to actual Algebra and Geometry I found the Video Text series. (www.videotext.com) I LOVED IT!  This is pricey, but VERY worth it in my opinion.  You watch an instructor on a video then do the work.  Everything is broken down into very simple steps and there are a lot of practice problems.  This is great for the student who can self-learn and also for the teacher who needs a refresher. I wish I had found this sooner.  (It isn’t a high-tech video, but simple and more than adequate.)

Language Arts:  I used Learning Language Arts Through Literature for several years until I felt my children needed a bit more grammar instruction. I picked up Easy Grammar Plus by Wanda Phillips.  It is simple to use and gives a lot of opportunity for practice.  I also picked up Spelling Power and used it for a while.  It is basically a spelling program for all grade levels.  My only “problem” with it is that it doesn’t have all the fun spelling activities a lot of curriculums have.  That is easily overcome with Internet sources that allow you to create your own worksheets and provide other creative ideas.  I liked Spelling Power because it has comprehensive lists for every grade.  A fantastic method for teaching language arts is note-booking and copy-work.  I want to address those in a separate paragraph.

History: I’ve used Abeka, unit studies, Life Pacs and living books for this.  My favorite (one I wish had been written sooner in my HS career) is Mystery of History.  This could definitely be started in Jr. High.  It is very straightforward and interesting.  They use a note booking approach to learning.  Much different from the Lifepacs, so it all depends on your child’s learning style.

Science:  I’ve used Abeka, my own material, note-booking and Apologia (www.aplogia.com).   I really like that last one.  They have material from upper elementary through high school. Like Mystery of History they use a note-booking approach.  The material is easy to read and interesting. Great supplements to any science curriculum are the Lyrical Science CDs and books.  (Cassie, my middle child, really took to the songs.  During her 1.5 year stint in public high school she aced several quizzes because she remembered the information set to music. :-) )

Note-booking and copy-work:  It is incredibly wonderful for any teacher when her students learn the way she (or he) does.  For example:  I am a very visual learner and I need to see the information on the page.  I like charts and diagrams and pictures. I teach the way I learn. However, some people are auditory learners and others, like my Candace, learn by moving (kinesthetically).  What worked with my other two didn’t work with her.  Fourth grade found us both frustrated and struggling.   We seemed to hit an educational brick wall.  I cried out to God for help, and He answered by directing me to Cindy Rushton and note-booking/copy-work.  (For much more information Google “Charlotte Mason”, “Note-booking”, and “Copy-work”.) 

The whole idea seemed too good to be true, but I was desperate.  I grabbed a three-ring binder and a box of protector sheets.  I let Candace choose a topic that interested her and took it from there.  I think our first topic was cats.  I did a little research on cats ranging from lions, tigers, cheetahs, lepers, etc., down to the house cat.  I printed out simple paragraphs and info on each cat and had her read it and copy it word for word with correct punctuation.  We’d then find and print a picture of that particular feline, glue it to her copied page, and put it in a protective sheet in the notebook.  We’d include poems we found or wrote and any other pertinent material.  Compiling this notebook (along with a little math and reading aloud) was our entire curriculum for a year.  Spelling improved.  Reading improved.  Composition improved.  Grammar Improved.  Punctuation improved.  I became a believer in this process!  This is a great tool especially in the early years.  Just make sure that the material to copy is age appropriate in length and language and is well written.  Amazing!  This process could be used for any subject.

Reading:  Read. Let your children see you reading. Read aloud.  Have your child read aloud.  Their age doesn’t matter.  Cassie was reading aloud to me when she was a senior just because we loved it so much!  Do an Internet search for living books, those are the best kind!  Honestly, Cassie was such an avid reader we hardly had to do history.  Historical fiction was one of her favorite genres and she learned much more than she did from stuffy history books! 

Several people have asked me about pre-school:

For pre-school and even K-2 I would spend a lot of time reading aloud and doing lots of hands-on activities. Take lots of pictures of what you do and have your child narrate back to you what happened while you write it down. Add pictures to the narration and make lots of notebooks.  Putting your child’s work in protective sheets and notebooks lets him or her know the work is important.  No one likes to work hard at something only to have it thrown away.  Begin copy-work as soon as they can form letters.  Forming letters can be the copy-work!  But I wouldn’t push too hard in these early years.  Make learning so much fun that they don’t realize they are learning.  Make an alphabet book with pictures and drawings and items.  (For example:  The “C” page could have cotton balls glued on it.)

You are fortunate to be homeschooling now. There are a ton of free resources available for you online. We didn't have Internet when we started, and when we finally joined the World Wide Web it was nothing like we have now.

If I were starting over knowing what I know now, I would have taken a much more relaxed approach than I did. And I would have explored Charlotte Mason's ideas about education.

Recommended Resources:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/420053631380793/?fref=ts This group is led by Ruthie Shepherd the leader of the Florence-Richland Homeschool group. She posts TONS of free and cheap resources/links/etc. You should also follow her on Pinterest. ALMOST makes me wish I had a young one to homeschool again. LOL!

www.Jimmiescollage.com Jimmie uses the Charlotte Mason approach and shares a lot of good information and ideas.

My previous HS posts:

http://www.palmsofhishands.blogspot.com/2009/08/advice-for-new-homeschoolers-part-1.html






http://www.palmsofhishands.blogspot.com/2009/10/looking-back-on-fourteen-years-of.html











www.enchantedlearning.com - They have a lot of worksheet and activities!  You can use some of the resources for free.  Membership is $20 for a year.  (At least the last time I looked.)  I actually joined the site twice and found it well worth my money.

I’ve said recently that if I were starting over again in 2013 knowing what I know now, I’d buy an Ipad if possible and utilize all the incredible educational apps they have.  (I bought Candace a Kindle Paperwhite during her senior year.  You can get hundreds of classics free for it without having to bother with the library.  It also gives you word definitions and Wikipedia entries.)

There is so much information out there it can be overwhelming.  YOU CAN’T DO IT ALL!  So don’t try! Just like you go to the grocery store, browse the shelves, and buy only what your family needs, check out all the resources and see what works for your family.  Every family is unique and so is every homeschool.  That is the beauty of this mode of learning/teaching.  Customize and ENJOY!

If I Could Give You Anything

Dear Candace,

It’s graduation time.  You know what that means:  family gatherings, mushy cards, caps and gowns, hugs and kisses… and presents!  (Who doesn’t like presents!)  A few weeks ago I sat thinking about graduation gifts and what I would truly like to give you.

After much pondering this is what I came up with:  

If I could give you anything…

I would give you eyes to see yourself as God sees you:  Fully known, dearly loved, treasured possession, unconditionally accepted, Divinely equipped, especially chosen, wonderfully made, destined for victory.

I would give you confidence that is not shaken by popular opinion, criticism, the latest fad, test scores, beauty pageants, failures (or successes) bank accounts, number of friends, or fear of the unknown.

I would give you strength to choose the eternal over the temporary, right over wrong, endurance over quitting, substance over popularity, compassion over judgment, forgiveness over retaliation, and love over hate.

I would give you wisdom to always know what to do in any and every given situation.  Wisdom that sees the big picture – that sees everything in it’s true light.  I’d give you the mind of Christ.

I would give you love – a love so powerful and overwhelming that it more than satisfies your deepest emotional needs with such abundance that it spills over all those around you.  A love that is patient and kind, that always seeks the best and never fails.  I’d fill you with the love of Jesus.

Since these things are beyond my ability to give I am asking our God (out of His glorious riches) “to strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your heart through faith.  And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge – that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” (Ephesians 3:16-19)

Be on the lookout for them.

I love you!

Mom

P.S.  The mushy letter is coming. :-) 

I Won't Be Home for Easter

Note:  I spent Easter 2001 in Europe.  Raymond was in a completely different country due to medical issues.  I was depressed.  This is the fresh perspective the Lord gave  me:

 Not Home for Easter

“I wasn’t home for Easter,” I whined to myself Easter evening.  I knew that my extended family would be gathering together at Mom’s that day…without me.  Raymond was in Zagreb, Croatia…without me.  All the churches in America were praising the Lord in special services…without me.  Even though the kids and I had a nice day I still felt a bit down. I decided to take a hot bath and feel sorry for myself.  That’s when I thought I heard the Lord say, “I wasn’t home for Easter [1] either.”

 What’s that again?

 “I wasn’t home for Easter either.”

My imagination began to ponder this, and I realized it was true.  The Bible says that the women went to the tomb very early in the morning while it was still dark [2] and the tomb was empty.  That means that Jesus re-entered His glorified body just as the day was getting started.

“I won’t be home for Easter,” I can hear Jesus saying to the angels.  “I’ve got some unfinished business to take care of.” 

A gasp of disbelief must have escaped the multitude of the heavenly host as they cried, “But, but, You just got home!  We’ve missed You.  Have You forgotten what they did to You down there?”

I don’t know if that conversation did or did not take place the night before Easter.  Theologians disagree on where Jesus actually was during the time His body was in the tomb, and I’m no theologian.  I do know He told the thief they would be together in paradise [3] that day, so I’m inclined to think Jesus saw the Father and the heavenly host at some point that weekend.

  Can you imagine?  After 33 years of being trapped in a human body, trudging along dusty roads, getting thirsty, hungry and tired; three years of dealing with doubters and people who only wanted what they could get from Him; days of betrayal, denial, and intense suffering- He deserved a rest, don’t you think?  “It is finished,” He had cried. [4]  I’m sure those golden streets, worshipping angels, and the presence of His Holy Father were a sight for sore eyes.  He was finally home.  Home in the place where there is no sickness, no sorrow, no pain, and no death. What possible reason could He have for going back?

Was it to teach them how to get along with each other?  That was accomplished by His life.

Was it to pay the price of sin and open the door of heaven?  That was accomplished by His death, His blood.

Was it to show Satan Who was really in control?  I believe Satan already knew that, why else would the demons Jesus cast out beg Him not to torture them before their appointed time? [5]

I can picture Jesus turning toward the angels and explaining with a tender voice, “I know Who I really am, and you know who I really am, but my earthly friends are confused right now about everything and need Me just a little longer.  Peter needs to know He’s forgiven. [6]  My mother needs to know Bethlehem wasn’t just a dream.  Mary Magdalene needs to know those demons won’t bother her anymore. [7] Lazarus needs to know that though he will die again, he will live again this time forever. [8]  They all need to know that the abundant life I promised begins now [9]; they don’t have to wait until heaven.”  Perhaps he paused and with a twinkle in His eye continued, “If you think Sarah was astounded with Isaac [10] and Moses amazed with the Red Sea[11], just wait.  This will be my finest moment yet.  I can’t wait to see the looks on their faces!” 

I’m so glad He didn’t stay Home.

---

[1] I realize the term “Easter” is not accurate here and throughout the rest of this article. I use it, however, for want of a better term.

[2] John 20:1

[3] Luke 23:43

[4] John 19:30

[5] Matthew 8:28-34

[6] Matthew 26: 74-76

[7] Mark 16:8-10

[8] John 11:42-44

[9] John 10:9-11

[10] Genesis 21:1-2

[11] Exodus 14

Will it Be Alive Tomorrow?

“Will it be alive tomorrow?” Mylee asked mournfully of the dead pine siskin she discovered in the yard.

“No,” I replied sadly, wishing I had found and disposed of it first. “It won’t.”  We stood together in silence for a moment before I suggested we go over to the bird feeder and watch the living birds. Good plan. Soon she was distracted by trying to sneak up on the multitude of birds enjoying sunflower seeds, and I didn’t have to explain the mysteries of life and death to a three-year-old:  Death is part of life, and dead is dead.

That was yesterday afternoon.  Mylee has since picked grass for her great-grandmother’s horses, watched Tom and Jerry on TV, taken a nap, played chase around the house, and gone home.  I’m sure she’ll be up and running today seeking out new adventures, distracted by new mysteries. 

Me? Today I’m still thinking about the query of a three year old:  “Will it be alive tomorrow?”  I wish I could have answered differently, but in this world dead is dead - the end.  

BUT…

There is a world where “dead” is non-existent, where all is life, where you don’t bury lady bugs (we did that too), or grieve dead birds.  A world where hope is a reality and faith becomes sight.  One day I pray Mylee can understand this truth:  THAT world collided with THIS world once upon a time!  Can’t you just imagine a Jewish three-year-old mourning near a certain tomb outside of Jerusalem over 2000 years ago asking, “Will He be alive tomorrow?”

Though no one knew it at the time, the answer was a resounding, “YES!”

Note: Mylee entered our lives when our daughter Cassie married Mylee’s Uncle Mason.  Because Cassie is keeping and teaching Mylee while her parents work we have the indescribable joy of seeing the world through her eyes.  What beautiful eyes she has!

The crux and beauty of the Christian experience is that the creator of the universe chose to intersect humanity in the person of Jesus… “Emmanuel: God with us." But when I am at the beach experiencing the vastness of the ocean and sky melding at the horizon, hearing waves lick the shore and seagulls calling to one another, feeling the sand between my toes and ocean breeze on my face while smelling the salt air that’s when I feel as if I’ve intersected heaven and met God on His turf.

Treasures of Darkness

"I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name." ~ Isaiah 45:3 

Last night our electricity went out around 6:30 pm.  (Fortunately supper had just finished cooking.) The power company called with an automated message stating they knew there was a problem and they were on it.  Power should be restored by 9:30. (It didn't come back on until 1:43 AM, but that's beside the point.) Call me crazy, but I actually enjoy the occasional power outage. Admittedly, I miss my air-conditioning (especially in the summer when I'm having hot-flashes), stove, refrigerator, internet, and TV, but "treasures of darkness" can be found if only we look for them:

 1. Peaceful silence. One just doesn't realize how much background noise there is until the power goes out. 

 2. Spontaneous Family Game Night. Watching reruns of Criminal Minds might have been on the agenda, but since it is no longer an option play a game on the patio and enjoy each other's company. 

 3. Star gazing. The Stars are NEVER so bright and beautiful as when the clutter of electric lights is removed. 

 4. Breath-taking light shows. Watching a distant thunderstorm at night is an awe-inspiring event when all other light-sources are gone. 

 5. Candlelight. Few things are more peaceful and mesmerizing than this. 

 6. Nature's Lullaby. There's tranquility in falling asleep to the symphony composed by crickets and frogs. 

 Power-outages can be viewed as major inconveniences, or they can be seen as opportunities to take a break from our fast-paced, over-stimulated life and just enjoy God's creation and each other. The former is a curse. The latter is a treasure.

Personality Test - No real surprises

Personality Profile of Drewe Jeffcoat

Evaluations

Super Bowls

World Cups

Singing Competitions

ACT and SAT tests

Yearly Medical Exams

Beauty Pageants

Annual Job Reviews

Band Contests

They all have at least one thing in common – they are all forms of evaluations, ways to see how someone (or some group) compares with another. It’s a way to answer, “How am I (or “How are we") doing? Is my diligent work paying off? Do I need to try harder? Do I measure up?” (I’m sure the Patriots are contemplating that today.) From our one-minute Apgar score to weekly spelling tests to our last mammogram or colonoscopy our lives are spent being evaluated. And we are okay with that. We like to know if we measure up to a certain standard of intelligence, health, beauty, physical prowess, or financial stability. (Especially if we DO measure up and excel.)

Now, I could use that intro as a segue into a discussion of “Who sets the standards by which we are evaluated?” I shall, however, refrain from that today as something a bit heavier weighs on my mind, and that is The FINAL evaluation. The ONE that REALLY matters. I’m not talking about getting into heaven. (My faith in Jesus guarantees a spot.) I am talking about the final verdict on how I did living out my faith before getting to heaven. Will I hear, “Well done, my good and faithful servant?” Or will I be the one Paul talked about in 1 Corinthians 3:15 who made it as “one escaping through the flames”? More importantly is there a way to know HOW I’m doing BEFORE my last breath? Is there a life scale I can step on? A checklist to keep track of? A chart to consult?

Actually, there is something better.

We have a letter from God telling us what pleases Him. And from that we can form a checklist of sorts.

Ready?

On a scale of 1 – 10, rate yourself in the following areas. (1 being “Never” and 10 being “Always”.)

1. How would you rate your faith? (“1” means you have none. “10” means you have unwaveringly trust God in every aspect of your life.) “And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.” ~ Hebrews 11:6

2. How well do you act justly? Love mercy? Walk humbly with God? “And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” ~ Micah 6:8

3. How often do you share your food with the hungry? Provide shelter for the poor wanderer? Clothe the naked? Take care of your family? “Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: 
to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, 
to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter— 
when you see the naked, to clothe him, 
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?” ~ Isaiah 58:6-7

4. How do you rate yourself in caring for orphans and widows? (“1” is rare and “10” is always.) “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress...” ~ James 1:27 a.

5. How readily do you forgive? “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.” ~ Matthew 18:35

6. How often do you sing and praise the Lord? “I will praise God’s name in song and glorify him with thanksgiving. 
This will please the LORD more than an ox, more than a bull with its horns and hoofs.” ~ Psalm 69:30-31

7. How often do you share? “And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.” ~ Hebrews 13:16

8. How often do you pray? “The LORD detests the sacrifice of the wicked, but the prayer of the upright pleases him.” ~ Proverbs 15:8 “I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone— for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. This is good, and pleases God our Savior…” ~ 1 Timothy 2:1-3

9. How pure are your thoughts? (“1” is not very pure. “10” is having the mind of Christ.) “The LORD detests the thoughts of the wicked, but those of the pure are pleasing to him.” ~ Proverbs 15:26

10. How often do you show love? “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” ~ 1 Peter 4:8

There it is, a checklist to see how close we are to hearing, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.” Further searching would probably uncover some other items that could be added, but I’m pretty sure #10 is the key to everything because: “Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” ~ Matthew 22:37-40

Well, that is enough to keep me busy. At least God didn’t leave us hanging; He did give us a study guide and assurance of His help along the way. (How often does the creator of a test give you the answer sheet before hand?!?!)

Let me leave you with this blessing:

“May the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.” ~ Hebrews 13:20-21